I met Kristen online through the community of COMPEL – a Proverbs 31 ministry for writers and creatives. Through conversations, we found out that we even live in the same city! Kristen also has a history of anxiety and depression and wants to help others who are struggling with it, too. I’m thrilled to be able to share her words with you and pray they are an encouragement for those who are looking for hope in the midst of the hard.
the struggle
Paralyzing anxiety surfaces, stretching painfully between my left shoulder and neck. I try getting out of bed, but I can’t. Uneasily, I hoist myself upright, my body quickly heaving in sobs. I can’t even imagine showering, let alone caring for my family. Sometimes all I can do is stare at the wall, anxious thoughts pinging through my brain. Since a young age, I believed my worth came from my accomplishments. Therefore, in this season of despair, unable to do anything, I feel hopelessly unworthy, unsure of even God’s presence. Does this sound familiar to you? If you are in a difficult season of debilitating depression and anxiety, you are not alone. I walked this road about 1.5 years ago and still struggle daily with depressive and anxious thoughts. However, God’s Word offers us hope in this despair.
the encouragement
In Psalm 139:14 the psalmist writes, “I will praise you because I have been remarkably and wondrously made. Your works are wondrous, and I know this very well” (CSB). According to the Miriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of wondrous is something “that is to be marveled at; extraordinary.” When thinking of marvelous, these favorite graces come to mind: a breathtaking sunset, a bouquet of bubblegum pink tulips opening towards the sunlight, or a blue sky sponged with white clouds. This is how the psalmist describes all of God’s works, including us, friend. Wondrous. We are God’s creation, and He marvels at us. His delight in us doesn’t change based on our abilities or accomplishments. Therefore, even in a season of debilitating depression and anxiety, we are still worthy simply because we are wondrously made.
My eyes trace the earlier words of Psalm 139 in verse 5, “You have encircled me; you have placed your hand on me”(Psalm 139:5 CSB). Let’s picture God’s mighty hand upon us and feel our tension ease. God’s loving hand reminds us our value does not rely upon the racetrack of striving, but in the truth, God alone created us wondrously with His hands.
In the pit of depression and anxiety, friends, let’s remember these truths. We are worthy when we grieve. We are valued when we feel empty. We are still worthy, even when we ask others for help. God desires us, even when the sadness is so thick, we cannot begin verbalizing our feelings. We are worthy when we stare blankly into space. Our heads are crowned with worth when we can’t get out of bed.
the hope
Let’s retrace the words of Psalm 139 and watch new words trickle off the page, reminding us of God’s presence, even in despairing seasons. The comforting words of verses 7-12, quench our desolate souls, “Where can I go to escape your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I fly on the wings of the dawn and settle down on the western horizon, even there your hand will lead me; your right hand will hold on to me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness will hide me, and the light around me will be night’—even the darkness is not dark to you. The night shines like the day; darkness and light are alike to you” (Psalm 139: 7-12 CSB). Let’s allow this truth to wash over our weary souls. No matter what darkness anxiety and depression catapult us into; God is there, ready to turn darkness into light.
Let’s take a moment to read Psalm 139 slowly, savoring each word, speaking His Word to our hearts, reminding us of our wondrous worth. No matter our circumstances, we are wondrously worthy because God formed us with His own hands. He is with us always and He loves us. Weary friend, I hope these beautiful truths cover you in comfort today.
Hello dear friend, I am Kristen Rupp. First and foremost, I am a follower of Christ. I am married to Neil, and I stay at home with our two children (6 and 3). A few of my favorites are getting pulled into a beautiful story, writing, finding little graces, walking, and being in God’s creation.
Over the last 3 years, I have experienced periods of debilitating depression and anxiety. In these seasons, intrusive thoughts bombard my mind, making daily tasks difficult. About 1.5 years ago, I struggled with suicidal thoughts. As a Christian wife and young mom, I found it difficult to ask for help, but I am grateful I did. I sought help from a Christian counselor and began taking medication. Today, I still struggle with negative, anxious, and sometimes suicidal thoughts, but I now have the medication and tools needed to fight this battle by the power of the Holy Spirit. If you find yourself in a similar position, I pray my writing is an encouragement to you!
